Kilimanjaro!

Today has been very refreshing as we have had group discussions about what it means to be apart of a faith based program here at Kivu. Growing up I went to a wonderful church but as I have learned today, there are certain things that were put into my head as a kid and teenager that aren't necessarily correct. A lot of churches (I think in the south especially) are teaching people that the only real way to have joy is to put Jesus first, then others, then ourselves, when in reality how can we be joyful if we aren't loving our neighbors as we are loving our self? Why have I been taught that humans are sinful and bad and been ingrained with guilt when I am supposed to be a child of God made in his image? Negative self talk has taken such a huge toll on my generation especially because there are so many of us that struggle with depression or anxiety simply because they have been taught to put themselves last. I believe that in order to truly love Jesus we need to love ourselves and our neighbors equally because we are all his creation and he loves us just the same. There should not be guilt attached to our human nature because that is when people go to the idea that if we are so bad as a human race and if we are so sinful and horrible, why would God create us for his kingdom? Today I learned to think in a more circular way rather than linear. To love God is to love yourself is to love your neighbor, and there isn't some special order or pyramid those things should go in. It should be equal and that is very important for me to have realized today because now I can look at the world with new eyes and I understand that positive self talk is a lot  more important than I previously realized. I know everyone says that we are our own biggest critic and I think most people believe that, but are we realizing the damage that does to us? I hope everyone that reads this takes the time to tell themselves that you are called beloved by God and that you are a child of God who is made in his image and loving yourself is showing yourself the love of God we so rarely get to experience because we spend too much time putting ourselves down and speaking harsh words into our own heads. This may seem like a passage of jumbled thoughts but I hope you can find peace in it like I did. The way you were raised does not have to be the permanent way you think. I am learning to question my faith and think for myself no matter what that looks like. The mentality that we are human and that is inherently bad is to say that God's creation is not good or in his image. I know that sin has had a huge impact on mankind but I do not believe that the horrible things that happen to us are a judgement of our sin. The God I believe in is not one of hate or harsh punishment, I believe that has already been taken care of for us and therefore we don't have to live our lives thinking this heartache and hurt we experience is our own fault. There is a God who loves and cherishes me just as I am and nothing I can do can take that away and I am the daughter of a king who made me in his image and I hope you see the same thing in yourself.