Kilimanjaro!

Hey blog. This week has been full of new and exciting experiences. Today I went to a new church and I absolutely loved it. I learned to not expect immediate clarity in every situation because as we look back on life it looks a lot clearer then when we were in the moment. The lord intentionally leaves some pages blank and we don't always need to know the answer right away. There has been alot of things so far on this gap year that I have struggled with like taking the bus / walking every where along with being on a pretty tight budget, but as I am realizing, I get frustrated with those things now but in the long run it's making me a better person. This morning as I went to church I felt the lord reminding me that it's a new day and a new chance to experience grace. Everyone in their lives has felt some sort of shame whether it was from someone around them, because of the choices they made or anything else. I'd love to remind everyone reading this that shame says that because you are flawed you are unacceptable, but grace says that because you are flawed, you are cherished. The great thing to remember is that although feelings and choices come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our since, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, and whatever cost to him. That's the wonderful thing about grace, is that we did nothing to receive it, and yet God fills our own hearts with it every day so that we may experience love and unwavering mercy in spite of our pain and suffering. Maybe I don't understand what is happening all the time but one thing is for sure, I know who he is. There is a passage I relate to a lot in the bible in John chapter 6. It is when Jesus is telling his disciples that the bread that they were given from heaven was not from Moses but from his father. The disciples become confused because they know Jesus' father is Joseph and not someone in heaven. However, Jesus knows that his earthly father is nothing compared to his heavenly father. The reason I relate to this is because when I was a baby my father left and never came back. I have never met him, and when I was becoming a teenager I struggled with this and turned away from God because of all the pain it had caused me. Now reading that passage in the bible I can hold onto the fact that my heavenly father is so much more than I could ever need or want. I am the daughter of the king and I can rest in his unfailing love and unfaltering grace as I live my life and tell my story to people who are going through the same thing. I'll repeat: I may not see the big picture or understand what is going on or why I am going through something, but I know who he is.